-"Because you do not translate the spaces, we will not pay for them."
-"Well. I’ll send the translation without any spaces to you".

- Translation is similar to a woman: when it is correct, it is not good-looking, but when it is good-looking, it is not correct.

- Company needs a lady as an interpreter!
Requirements: long legs; knowledge of language is not necessary.

- Presidents have been communicating in the friendly air until the interpreter comes.

- What difference is about the words "sorry" and "excuse me"?
When someone is going to play dirty trick, they say: "excuse me", but when someone has done it, they say: "sorry".

Servant rushes to his lord and shouts:
- Sir! Run for life! The Thames overflows the banks!
The gentlemen angrily replies:
- John?! What offhand manners?!
The abashed servant goes away and comes back in five minutes, he opens wide the doors and ceremonially announces:
- Themes! Sir!

- The foreign delegation out of three persons comes to a “new Russian”. He, thinking nobody understands him, shouts to his secretary:
- Masha! Bring coffee to these three dull half-wits!
One of the delegation says in Russian:
- Not to three, but to two! I am an interpreter!

The newly-educated interpreter comes to get a job. They ask him:
- What languages can you manage?
- English, French, Spanish.
- OK, say something in Spanish!
- Guten morgen!
- But, it is in German?
- Well, and German too!

- Do you manage Esperanto? We have a lot of correspondence in Esperanto with some of our partners.
- Certainly? I have lived there for three years!

At a store:
- Do you have parrot speaking English?
- No, but we have a woodpecker.
- What language can it manage?
- Morse code!

Parrot sits on the balcony.
- Hay, guy! – Parrot says.
The man turns to it.
- You are fool! – Parrot shouts.
That repeated on the second and third days. On the fourth day this man does not endure and comes to the owner of the parrot.
- Your parrot calls me with bad names.
- I will punish it – the owner says.
Next day, the parrot with livid spots and scratches sits on balcony.
- Hey, guy! – Parrot warily shouts.
The man surprisingly looks at it.
- Well, you understand me – the parrot says.

Chukchi man is interrogated via an interpreter:
- Chukchi man, where did you hide gold?
Interpreter: Chukchi man, where did you hide gold?
Chukchi man: I’ll not say!!!
Interpreter: He’ll not say.
- If you do not say where is gold we kill you!
Interpreter: Chukchi man, they will kill you if you do not say where is gold.
Chukchi man: Gold is buried under the entrance of yurt.
Interpreter: Kill me, busters, I’ll anyway do not say!